JUST ANOTHER DAY

every morning my eyes open to the nausea of impending uncertainty
i can feel the adrenaline course through my veins like a molotov iv push
pumping, flowing, seeking, churning,
i tap my foot as my pulse begins it's familiar race
desperation rears it's head within
i can't help feeling that time is running out on me
if someone would just listen
if i could just go back and do it again
you don't have any idea how important this is
i need this


please don't look to me, i don't know how to do this living thing
i don't know what i'm supposed to do
how i'm supposed to make it to nightfall
38 years and i always feel like a boy among men in the conference room
when will i know how to own a house or raise my children?
i didn't get the manual
i must've deleted the memo that showed me how to be an adult
how long will it take to give in
admit defeat to the gnarled face of contentment?
what will it take to make me happy when the list changes with every new possession i gain?

if you had any idea of how much i hurt inside you'd kill yourself from grief